To Beard or Not To Beard (quoth the Bard)

I'm a musician. I have sensitive skin. I'm a little lazy. And I sometimes go days without leaving the house. Therefore, I only shave once or twice a week. So I'm always looking a little scraggly.

And every once in a while, I decide to full on go for it, and grow a real man-beard. I rarely get past 2 week's growth. Mainly because it's really uncomfortable, and my wife regards my bewhiskerment with no small amount of disdain. I had a quasi-man-beard last july, when Finley was born. It was a valiant, yet meager attempt, and it never achieved the true beardal glory I've always dreamed about.

However, I quickly became tired of impaling Finn's precious newborn cheeks with my lip daggers every time I tried to give him a kiss (roughly 60-70 times per day). Since the tender age of 12, I have been the proud owner of one of those ferocious mustaches that just grows straight out of my face, impervious to gravity... like bamboo.

I know most people don't like the look of big, bushy beards. And frankly, most people have trouble pulling the look off without conjuring up images of vikings, psych ward residents, exiled dictators, or struggling, middle-aged actors:

I am also aware that most people (including the Mrs.) believe that I, personally, look considerably less attractive in my bearded state, and that my unattractivness increases in direct proportion to the amount of hair that I allow to roam freely between my jawline and cheekbones.

However, I think every God-fearing man should grow a scraggly beard at least once in their lifetime... just to see what it's like. And just to keep the God-fearing women in our lives from taking our soft cheeks and bare chins for granted.

Also, I have always been fascinated by the idea that underneath the occasional humongous beard, there is actually an attractive man-face. There's an intriguing sense of mystery there... beneath the initial shock and repulsion of the average passerby, there lies a sort of skeptical, head-tilting, squinty-eyed curiosity... like you know people are thinking, "Wow, he would look so much better without that monstrous beard." In fact, the primary inspiration for my frequent forrays into facial forestry is none other than the mostest attractavest of man-faces.

Behold:

(sigh)

Now, I'm definitely not saying I can pull it off because Brad Pitt can pull it off. In fact, that's probably the worst reason for me to try anything. But can't you just see the logic? Why be boring old regular Brad Pitt when you can be Unabomber Brad Pitt?

Here are some of my other favorite inspirational beards:

(the gentlemen of mewithoutYou)

(other chaps)

Also, if you're still not convinced that beard-growing is the greatest thing in the world, please visit this site: http://www.biggerbetterbeards.org/

I could not bear to let my neck hair grow out, so perhaps in a way I've failed already. However, I have not shaved my actual face since mid-December, and I plan to continue growing it until such a time as its presence would either: 1) prevent me from sleeping, wearing a football helmet, or walking through small doorways, 2) jeopardize my marriage due to a wife-imposed ban on facial contact, or 3) create an ideal nesting habitat for small migratory birds.

Also, this may really boost my chances of securing the role of Jesus in the Easter Play.

Here's a recent photo of me, and my face, and my beard (attached):

I will do my best keep this blog updated on Beardy's progress. We'll see how long I can endure this unbelievable itching.

The (Other) Thing That is Keeping Us Up At Night

So, we are house-shopping. We have decided that, in this down market, we will be able to afford a house that we could never have afforded 2 years ago, and that we will never be able to afford 2 years from now. The problem is, of course, selling our place. It goes on the market "officially" on Friday... so that's pretty exciting and terrifying. In the meantime, we've been scouring the internet for home sales, and we have taken a couple day trips around town with our Realtor.

We love the idea of living somewhere urban, close to downtown, etc... but we're having trouble finding places that are the size we need, at the price we need, in a place we like. The classic Real Estate conundrum. We've looked at places all over, from ransacked bungalows in Highlands to icky, boring, tri-levels in Littleton. Foundation issues? Trash, mud, and dirty laundry EVERYWHERE? Freaky Hannibal Lector Basements? People Hiding in the Bathroom? We've seen it all. If we were playing "Perils of House Shopping Bingo," we'd have already walked away with the Grand Prize (a $40 gift certificate to Old Country Buffet).

So far, we've seen a lot of horrible, horrible houses. But we've also seen some really wonderful houses. Realtors tell you never to fall in love with a house before you've sold your own. Good, solid advice. So, we haven't fallen in love. But we are deeply, passionately in LIKE with a few places we've seen. Here are our three favorites so far.

"The Mansion"


This place is our most recent discovery. We haven't actually been inside yet, but we've seen some pictures, and we drove by it yesterday. Karissa even got brave enough to get out of the car, walk up the sidewalk, and stand in the front yard for 12 seconds. It's hard to imagine something like this is in our budget, but it is.... barely. If it were in a trendier location, it would be selling for 2 to 3 times more... but the neighborhood is definitely "transitional." (Bruce Randolph and Colorado-ish) It apparently needs a TON of work, but it has updated electrical, plumbing, and, shockingly, AC. Although we originally decided we didn't want to live in a fixer-upper (because I am completely worthless at fixing things up), this house just might be too cool to pass up. It was built in 1890, has 4 beds, 4 baths, and an "attic retreat", which has me salivating uncontrollably. It sits up on a hill just northeast of downtown, and I'm assuming that the views from the second floor are probably unbelievable. We'll hopefully get to go inside early next week. More updates to come if it's half as amazing on the inside as we hope it is.

"Williams Street"


This is a totally gorgeous Victorian house that we saw in the dark a few weeks ago. But what we saw, we loved. It was also built in the late 1800's, and it has amazing everything: 4 bedrooms, a formal dining room, fireplace, bannisters... and the best part, a little bedroom/study right off the kitchen. (We've decided that's where my home office/studio would be.) Worst thing and best thing about this house... location. It's right between Five Points and City Park, on 26th and Williams street... the neighborhood itself feels super safe and nice...and we could walk to City Park or drive downtown in about 2 minutes. However, the house is directly across the street from a pretty notorious inner-city high school, Manual High. But, from what we hear, the high school is in the process of a complete overhaul, and is improving dramatically; also, the neighboorhood itself is on a huge upswing... $650,000+ homes are being built all around, and all the old homes are being snapped up and restored.... so if this place is still on the market after we sell ours, we're going to have a pretty hard time not making an offer on it.

"Chase Street"

The least dramatic of the three, the Chase street house isn't nearly as bland on the inside as it is on the outside. It's the prototypical "sprawling ranch" of 1950's Lakewood... and it is quite large (6 bedrooms), and almost completely remodeled. The kitchen and living room are absolutely beautiful. Plus it has a finished basement and a massive yard with a big patio... and is in a very safe neighborhood. In fact, it's only about 6 blocks away from our current house. So this is the "sensible" alternative to our wild-eyed dreams of buying 100 year-old homes in sketchy urban neighborhoods. It'd be a really nice place to live. We just don't know if we're ready to give up our dreams of living in the city just yet.

MUCH more to come over the next weeks and months ... Yikes! We is havings of fun times now, please?

The Pea That Would Not Be Flushed

The toilet in our upstairs bathroom has a seriously weak flush, people ... and I thought you should probably know about it. As a particularly disgusting and graphic illustration of this problem, I present to you: The Pea That Would Not Be Flushed -


What a remarkable little pea. It has survived, just floating there in the bowl, for almost 2 days. Amazing.
I will keep you posted.

Horrible Parenting 101

So, like most Mondays, I was in charge of Finn for most of the day today. Normally, I'm a very attentive-ish sort of parental unit... but today, we had a little adventure. Finley has been sitting up by himself for a while now, but he has recently developed the ability to suddenly launch himself onto his stomach from a sitting position. For some reason today, I momentarily forgot about his ever-increasing mobility, and I left him sitting alone in the chair -like I have dozens of times - while I went to collect the trash from the other room. The following is a photographic re-enactment of what happened next.

When I left the room, Finn was sitting happily, like this:


When I came back, about 60 seconds later, he had assumed a new position:


He was just laying there watching Sesame Street, like nothing interesting had happened.

After I got over the initial surge of panic and did a frantic inspection for broken bones and bruises, I realized that he was totally fine. And now I think it's pretty much hysterical. That's officially the furthest he has ever traveled by himself, so in a way, I'm proud. It takes a brave little boy to somersault off a piece of furniture ... but I'll probably have that image burned into my mind for a long time.

Please, Lemme 'Splain

You MUST add a visit to this website to your weekly routine. It's like VH-1's "Best Week Ever" meets Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.


Here's his extremely witty and creative 2008 year in review:
http://www.unclejayexplains.com/media/UJ%2012-22-08.wmv/

I done seen it, and I done LIKED it!

So, I finally got to go see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". Karissa has been insisting that I go see it by myself at the first available opportunity ... so yesterday, I caught a matinee downtown... the 12:35 Tuesday afternoon empty-theater special. First of all, I paid $5.00 for my ticket! $5.00, people!!! It was like an out-of-body experience. I was so excited, I didn't even mind paying $6.75 for a Honda Civic-sized tub of luscious, artery-packing, butter-it-yourself popcorn.

(alas, Jon... no Fat Tire 40's this time around... my pockets were only big enough to smuggle a couple of those tiny bottles of SoCo and Baileys. Five words: Courtesy Cup With Ice, Please)

I hadn't been to see a movie by myself since taking in "No Country for Old Men" in Times Square last February. So this was like a MAJOR treat for me. I'm not going to go into great detail or write a pretentious-sounding review of the movie (sorry... the film) or anything, other than to say I really really enjoyed it. As I suspected, it barely resembled the original short story by Fitzgerald, and for that, I was thankful. (see earlier post) The film version of the story corrected what I considered the primary error of the original story, by allowing Benjamin to age emotionally while his body became younger physically (instead of causing him to age backward both physically and emotionally). This just simply made a lot more sense to me, and it made for a much more captivating story.

Have I already mentioned that the experience of fatherhood -although a relatively recent phenomenon for me- has completely laid to waste any vestige of emotional stagnation that has accumulated within me from years of suppressed ministry trauma? Well, it HAS. I have recently been moved to tears by several TV commercials involving babies, magazine articles involving babies, and one particular scene in The Incredibles. Although the movie is most definitely a tragedy of sorts, it's not nearly as tragic as you might have thought if you had been sitting next to me. I was, in no uncertain terms, a wreck. I think I melted down into full-fledged, shoulder-heaving sobbing fits 5 or 6 different times. Yes, I threw (and by this admission, continue to throw) all pretense of machismo into the gusty Colorado breeze and just enjoyed the heck out of an incredibly gorgeous movie.

Not everybody done liked it. Roger Ebert himself claimed that "there is no lesson to be learned," and that "no catharsis is possible," because the film simply doesn't depict the truth of the human experience. I think, perhaps when viewed in a global sense, Ebert has a point. But there are countless moments throughout the almost 3-hour movie that are simply saturated with truth, beauty, and honesty. And absorbing Benjamin Button moment by moment was just as powerful and lovely as I hoped it would be.

Also, it's become so commonplace to see TV and film actors aged to various extents/extremes with make-up and digital manipulation... But what really impressed me was the sight of Brad Pitt looking 20 years old by the end of the movie. Not sure how they pulled that one off... clothespins, maybe? And I have to say that there's no shame in recognizing that a good-looking fella is a good-looking fella... and Mr. Jolie is one seriously good-looking fella. I just had to say it.

Coming soon ... the dreaded-yet-inevitable blog about why I'm blogging.
Should be a real scroll-bar scroller.